More from Dilbert

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

Born free taxed to death.

If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.

Freedom's just another word for not caring about the quality of your work!

Would you want career advice from somebody who has to work hard?

I've classified the bugs by severity: 1) lethal, 2) boneheaded, 3) vexing.

Page one of the employee manual. -- "Job satisfaction is the same as stealing from the company."

We've minimized the economic impact of the defects via an advanced business process called "Hoping Nobody Notices."

Never listen to your customers. They were dumb enough to buy your product, so they have no credibility.

I've added mumbling and peevishness to my work-avoidance arsenal. I get the benefits of appearing knowledgeable without the burden of sharing.

Man-duh-tory

I love my coworkers, until they talk.

You're not allowed to lie, but I expect plenty of omissions, misdirections, exaggerations, unjustified optimism, lost documents, unclear explanations, gray areas and tactical ignorance.

I always wondered what efficiency looked like.

Now if you'll excuse me, I feel a nap coming on.

If you hire me, I will use my enormous brain to develop world-changing products. I require no pay and no cubicle. I will eat used paper, and cling to the ceiling.

Sometimes I have naughty thoughts during work hours. Should I reimburse the company for lost productivity?

Can a business-led project management process optimize our strategic core issues?

It's his own fault for not paying me enough to afford entertainment.

Do you want the simple but misleading explanation or the one you won't understand?

How about a nanotechnology stem cell for fighting terrorists?

My philosophy is that anything worth doing is worth delaying.

Once you embrace the idea that your customers deserve to die... it frees your mind to invent splendidly profitable products.

Your biggest defect continues to be your inability to handle criticism. And you argue with people who are much smarter than yourself.

Call me shallow, but I enjoy getting paid for other people's inventions.

My philosophy is that anything worth doing is too hard